Note: this blog is from 2021. No AI was used in its making and all opinions, mistakes, misspellings are my own.
Perhaps one of the few bright spots that has come out of the Pandemic has been the increased attention to mental health in the workplace. People are not scared to discuss issues they used to keep bottled up, which is wonderful but can certainly create new challenges in the workplace.
Pre-pandemic it would be fairly rare for a colleague to admit they see professional help. There was still a mindset of being judged for seeking help. People are not only more transparent about seeking help but are also much more aware of its availability and use — often therapy is rolled into employer’s benefits packages though outsourced. Though I’m still waiting for the day when the new company perk is in-house therapists.
I only went to a couple of therapy sessions to address a specific work problem. This was in 2018 and I was faced with a decision that I would vacillate on day by day. I could talk to folks inside the company (and I did — thank you if you’re reading this!) and also friends/family outside the company, but their perspective (and mine?) was skewed from either knowing too much about the situation or about me. I needed objectivity.
What I was looking for was a neutral 3rd party who could hopefully offer their own advice and perspective. A friend told me about her experience and suggested I give therapy a shot. Therapy was different than what I thought it was, and in many ways better.
The therapist would start with a simple starter question on the subject and then listen. Because they didn’t have any background on the situation, I had to start from the beginning and talk through my thoughts/feelings. The therapist was paying acute attention to statements that elicited a strong emotional reaction and then immediately went down that rabbit hole.
The therapist didn’t give me any specific advice but guided me to answer my own questions. The sessions gave some clarity to my overall decision, but even greater were the lessons I could learn from them and roll into my own managerial/human skill set.
Here are 3 takeaways learned that I have found very helpful and still practice:
Speaking out loud — This was a real breakthrough lesson, saying aloud things that I would just keep up in my brain to process. You process information differently using your different senses (duh — you learn this in kindergarten) with hearing as the key sense here. Listening to my own thoughts opened up other thought avenues I hadn’t considered. My perspective on subjects changed as I was listening to myself talk about them.
For use in: If you have a Crucial Conversation, Presentations, or Interviews, rehearse your script or responses to yourself out loud. Listening to how you speak about a subject can change your perspective and your script.
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Directing questions to what is important — The therapist was asking me questions so that I could talk out and solve my own issues. She couldn’t give me an answer to my question directly but could help me explore my own thoughts further. Moved me down the route of focusing on what was important to me.
For use in: Especially good for management open-ended questions like “Where do you want to go in your career?” or “Where do you see yourself in 2 years?”. Pivot your questions based on not what they respond to, but how they respond. Walk them through potential avenues by asking them questions.
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Extreme Active Listening — Have written about this before but this was the most extreme example of Active Listening I have experienced. The therapist was paying attention to my emotional reaction to statements I would make. She was reading my whole body language. After I would say something that clearly got an emotional rise, she would ask the classic question of “And how did that make you feel?” Therapy is an entire profession that starts with great listening.
For use in: Being a Conscientious Human. Or pay attention to your coworkers using your own active listening skills. Now you’re not a licensed therapist, so choosing to go down the route of asking “How does that make you feel” can be awkward but you can ask other similar questions. It shows that you listen and care, ultimately building trust.
My experience with the therapist was worthwhile not only because it helped me work out my issue but I also learned new skills that I put into the workspace. So if you’re ever on the fence about whether you should try professional help —I’d wholeheartedly suggest it. The life and work skills alone that you learn are more than worth it.
